I'm Back......finally!

It has been many weeks since I have posted.  A lot has been happening.  I had a baby girl on August 19th.  She is beautiful and happy.  We are all doing our best to adjust to life with a new baby in the house.

Landon is probably having the hardest time with this adjustment, with Liam next.  Luke and Lindsee seem to be doing well, they just don't seem to like having a little more work to do around the house, a few more chores.  They are being "good little troopers" though.

I also pulled Landon out of public school to home school.  I hope I did the right thing.  I felt the environment was unsafe for him, he was beginning to be bullied and ostracized by his peers.  IMO, it was because the adults were unwilling to take my concerns about Landon's behavior seriously and the kids retaliated by taking their frustration out on Landon.

We are still struggling to find a new rhythm and routine for our home, between a new baby and home schooling, it is a very slow process.  I try just to take it one day at a time, but the future is hard to escape and the overwhelming feeling that Landon is running out of time is ALWAYS there.

It is most frustrating for me since I feel I KNOW what I need to do for my son, but simply don't have the $$$$$$$$ to do so.  It breaks my heart and I see how it effects my other kids and that breaks my heart too.  I wonder what this new little one will think about her big brother, who in many ways may still be less mature than her as they grow up together.  I already see that happening with Liam, who is 4 but in so many ways more mature and more capable than his older brother Landon, who is 8 at this time.

Right now, I feel like my family is falling apart.  We are back to the way things used to be when Landon was little.  We can't take him anywhere, or do anything as a family, due to his behavior.

His differences are getting more obvious.....his lack of social skills, emotional skills, academic skills, play skills, maturity.....just EVERYTHING....it is completely overwhelming to think about all that needs to be worked on with him and that I can't give him what he needs or provide it for him.

His chances of success in life are dependent on my  financial ability to provide him the instruction and interventions that are necessary for this to happen.  

And I can't do any of it.

It's been a while....

Life has been a whirlwind lately, which has left me little or no time to blog.  

Landon is doing well, but Monday we begin what I suspect will be a long battle to get him more services that he has needed for a long time.  This will include having an extended school year for the upcoming summer along with a one on one personal aide for next school year.  We also want to have the diagnosis of mild mental retardation taken off his record.

I don't have much time this morning.  Lots of errands to run and things to do.

We are trying to prepare for the arrival of a new edition to our already large family.  Lindsee and her 3 younger brothers will welcome a new baby sister sometime in August.  They are looking forward to it.

I hope to catch up more later and share my thoughts.

God Bless to everyone who reads this blog,

What's Around the Corner?

Sometimes it is difficult to see what the next step is.  I find this challenging on even the best of days.  I think it is mostly because I wish I could just KNOW, instead of guessing what is the right thing to do.  It would be nice to see into the future.

I think most people are like that, it may be even more true when you have a child with a disability or an illness.  As parents we want to KNOW that our child will be OK.  We want to know that we are doing the right thing, making the right choices, teaching the correct lessons, and helping in the right way.

For a long time I struggled to find the ONE thing that would help Landon reach his full potential.  We did Applied Behavior Analysis with him, before that it was all the traditional therapies: speech, occupational and physical therapy.  When we were no longer able to have the ABA done in our home, I had to rely solely on what the school was providing  in the way of therapy and education.  It wasn't enough and I saw him slipping away and regressing.  He lost many of the skills the ABA therapist worked on teaching him and that he worked so hard to acquire.  

Now, I know there is not just one thing that will help my son "be all he can be".  

There is a popular comparison of Autism to a puzzle.  I agree with that analogy.  Each child is so different and the autism manifests itself in various different ways in each child, there are similarities, but no two children on the spectrum are exactly alike.  I think that may be one reason why some children go undiagnosed, their symptoms don't fit into a neat little description and it can be to such varying degrees.

However, I also think that each child is in and of themselves a puzzle.  You have to find all the right pieces to come together to have what is going to benefit the child most.

I wish I had known this sooner.

For my son, I know that having him on the GFCF diet is helping him, I also know that giving him supplements and weaning him off of his prescription medications will be of great benefit to him, it already has been.  I can include that all the therapy he receives both outside of school and while in school is helping him in many ways.  I also think that having him take piano lessons is increasing his fine motor skills and helping him visually as well.  I believe that when I finally get him into it, that taking some kind of karate class will help him as well.  These are all things that I can do for my son to help him learn, grow and make progress.

He also needs more intensive one on one therapy called Discrete Trial Training, which is utilized in ABA.  That is the one thing that eludes me right now.  He needs the DTT to help him learn, to get his education.  He needs the ABA part of it for behavior modification, so he can learn social skills, learn to recognize emotions, learn positive behavior.  

So, that is what is around the corner for us.  I am going to have to come up with a way to provide that for my son.  I do not know what comes after that, but at least I do know the very next step.

Am I Chosen?

It is hard for me to understand the "WHY" of having a child with autism.  I think some parents deal with it by telling themselves they have been "chosen by God for this special job"......OOOOOOKaaaaaayyyyyy, not sure I buy that one.  God does choose people for certain task, but raising a child with a disability is not one of them. God does not give us challenges or tests.  He does ask us to do things for Him, but it is always up to us as to whether or not we obey.

Ever since I knew something was going on with Landon....wait a minute, ever since I admitted to myself that something was going on with Landon, I have struggled with "Why me, God?"

Now, if I wanted to I could trick myself into believing that I am somehow special in His eyes and therefore I was the only mom on the planet that could be his mom, but if you know what I know of God then you would know that is simply not true.  Plus, I think that if were to walk around thinking that I could be the only possible mom on the planet who could mother a child with autism that would be pretty arrogant and prideful.  I have met many, wonderful moms of children with autism and they all do it differently.  I admire all of them for different reasons.

First, we are ALL special to God.  He is no respecter of persons, meaning He treats us all the same, He doesn't play favorites.

Second, God LOVES me!  So, why would a God who loves me choose me to have such a hard struggle in life?  It makes no sense to me.  God does not punish us, we punish ourselves by not believing His word and having faith in what He says.  We all have our own will and God cannot change that, we have to want to change.  He will help us, He will guide us, He will direct our paths.....but here is the clencher folks........WE HAVE TO BE WILLING AND OBEDIENT AND LISTENING TO HEAR HIS VOICE.

The devil is the one who puts the weight of the world on our shoulders, God wants to lift that burden.  God says His burden is light and His yoke is easy.  The devil is the one who tricks us with lies and empty promises, God's word is true and His promises are everlasting.  God does not break His word.  The devil wants to weigh us down, God wants to lift us up!!!

However, I do believe that when the devil comes along and gives us a problem, or we do something to allow a problem into our lives, God is there to help, all we have to do is ask.....He will, "turn the lemons into lemonade"

God can take what was meant for evil and make it be for His glory!

The devil meant for the diagnosis of autism in this family to discourage, depress, and destroy it....God says "NO".....I say "NO"...with His help, this challenge will be for the Glory of God.  Landon will be healed, and it will be a victorious day when that happens, and when it does that will be the day that what the devil meant for evil, God turned into something good, wonderful, miraculous and beautiful.

It is unfair that any of our children have to suffer from any disease, disability, or premature death.  God did not put that on our children.  He sent His ONLY son, who died for our sins, took on our diseases and infirmities, disabilities, etc....so we didn't have to.  All we have to do is believe that health and healing is ours.

It is also unfair that any child not get to have a "perfect" childhood, but to some extent we are all responsible for that.  America has become a place of pollution, corruption and greed.  This is what is killing, disabling and making our children ill, NOT God.  These are the works of satan and man, without the guidance of God.

America needs to turn back to God.  He has not forsaken us, we should not forsake HIM.

I know it seems I have probably got on my "religious soapbox", but it is not about religion, it is about faith, and the belief that God loves us and wants the best for us.  As humans, we are the ones who mess things up for ourselves, we think "I can do it on my own", but everyone needs help, usually more often than we are willing to admit, more than our pride will let us admit.  It is ok to not know all the answers. God knows all the answers.  We just have to ask, and be patient to wait for the answer.  God has PERFECT timing, it all comes about when it is supposed to.

My final word, on this subject, is this:

GOD LOVES YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU AND YOU and you..........

HE WANTS YOU TO HAVE A HAPPY, FULL, PROSPEROUS LIFE.  

It really is that simple.

The Monster has been Unleashed!

Landon is going through something right now, and it is not fun, not for him and certainly not for the rest of us.

I believe it might be an overgrowth of yeast in his gut, or possibly his body's response to some processes being stimulated that haven't been stimulated in a very long time, if ever.

Landon has been on a special diet for several months now.  We started implementing the Gluten Free/Casein Free diet back in June of 2007, or as it is more fondly known, the GFCF diet.

I started removing the casein first.  That is the protein found in dairy products, mostly cheese and cheese products, milk, etc.....  I did notice some definite improvements with the removal of these products from his diet.  At the beginning of the school, I removed all Gluten, that is the protein found in wheat products, also rye, barley,  and a few others.  Again, I saw more improvement.

About 3 months ago, I started Landon on a supplement program.  Many people call this biomedical approach to "curing" autism.  I call it common sense.  

Autism is, in my opinion, caused by a genetic predisposition that is triggered by environmental influences.  The pollution in the air, the water, our food sources, it is everywhere!  This part of Indiana has some of the worst pollution in the Nation and it is getting worse every year.

These pollutants "mess up" our body's natural way of getting rid of these toxins and our pathways of eliminating toxins stop working correctly and things "back up" in our systems.

I have read through many, many descriptions of different types of heavy metal poisoning/toxicity and my son is obviously effected by a build up of heavy metals in his body.

I believe that vaccines were just one way they were introduced into his body, along with the air he breathes, the water source, and pesticides used on the food we eat and the pollutants in the soil that grows our veggies.  Plus whatever I have been exposed to as well.

So, even though right now his behavior is hardly bearable, I know that I am doing the right thing for him.  He may be acting like a monster right now, but I have so many things to be thankful for that he has progressed in since starting him on this program.

Here are just a few of them:

Better coordination, less clumsiness

Better speech and understanding of speech

Noticing more of the world around him, especially music on the radio

REMEMBERING something that happened to him and being able to tell me about it, before his memory was very poor.

He is LOVING to read and his teachers say "Loving to Learn"

His focus and attention have improved

Eating more foods, eating MEAT!  

Going to the bathroom (bm) on a regular basis, now tell me that doesn't make a person just feel better!

Better eye contact, not normal, but better

Doing portions of his homework INDEPENDENTLY!

Less frustration at not being able to do something

The other day, for the first time, EVER, he said "HI" to a boy he knew from school that we saw at Wal-Mart!

You could've stopped me dead in my tracks and knocked me over!  He has always needed a full prompt to say hi to anyone! and he did this all on his own.

Now, to some of you reading this, you might think, these are all things most kids do, BUT my son didn't!  These are major accomplishments for him and for our family.....DON"T take those everyday things for granted, for a child with a disability, whether it be autism or whatever, those mundane, everyday tasks can be overwhelming to the child and to the parent.

These are what we celebrate at our house!  Along with what my "Normal" kids do as well!  No small task goes unnoticed.  I sometimes feel like I am two moms, the mom of NT kids and the mom of a child with autism.

On the one hand, I love it when my son or daughter bring home an "A" or a "B" or they do something well in sports, or music or whatever...those are proudly displayed when possible and bragged upon to friends and family too.

However, when Landon is able to do his homework independently, that is also celebrated, when he makes it through the week with all smiley faces on his behavior chart, that is celebrated, when he reads a short story to me, without help that is celebrated too.  These seem like such small things to some people but for Landon they are BIG accomplishments.

I think we could all stand to appreciate those little things that the people we love do for us, you  never really know what kind of effort went into doing that for you.

All Things Autism

It has been a busy, hectic and kind of crazy few weeks.  I, obviously, have not had much time to be posting considering it has been a little while since I last posted.

Landon is dealing with some yeast issues, meaning he has an overgrowth of yeast in his gut right now.  This makes for a very unpleasant, difficult, emotional and argumentative little boy.

He is not much fun to be around right now, we are trying to make the best of it and help him through this until we can get rid of the nasty stuff that has invaded his GI tract.

I have to say it is getting tiring and exhausting.  It is getting easy to lose our patience and we are all short tempered.

"Autism" is kind of an ugly word in our house right now.  I think most of us are getting tired of hearing it and dealing with the results of it in our lives.

It would be nice to have a break from it, but that is not something that is easy to come by.

Don't get me started on Respite Care.  It is in great need in this area and there is an extreme shortage of places and funds for parents to get some respite.

We are continuing to keep Landon on a supplement program, but at times that seems so daunting, especially when you don't have the support of a DAN! clinician.    I am planning on going to the Autism One conference in May.  It should be a great source of information and resources for me to be able to continue doing this with him.  We have seen some pretty significant improvements in him, some are more noticeable than others.  Sometime I will post more info about this.

Well, I guess that is about it for now.  More at another time.