I'm Back......finally!

It has been many weeks since I have posted.  A lot has been happening.  I had a baby girl on August 19th.  She is beautiful and happy.  We are all doing our best to adjust to life with a new baby in the house.

Landon is probably having the hardest time with this adjustment, with Liam next.  Luke and Lindsee seem to be doing well, they just don't seem to like having a little more work to do around the house, a few more chores.  They are being "good little troopers" though.

I also pulled Landon out of public school to home school.  I hope I did the right thing.  I felt the environment was unsafe for him, he was beginning to be bullied and ostracized by his peers.  IMO, it was because the adults were unwilling to take my concerns about Landon's behavior seriously and the kids retaliated by taking their frustration out on Landon.

We are still struggling to find a new rhythm and routine for our home, between a new baby and home schooling, it is a very slow process.  I try just to take it one day at a time, but the future is hard to escape and the overwhelming feeling that Landon is running out of time is ALWAYS there.

It is most frustrating for me since I feel I KNOW what I need to do for my son, but simply don't have the $$$$$$$$ to do so.  It breaks my heart and I see how it effects my other kids and that breaks my heart too.  I wonder what this new little one will think about her big brother, who in many ways may still be less mature than her as they grow up together.  I already see that happening with Liam, who is 4 but in so many ways more mature and more capable than his older brother Landon, who is 8 at this time.

Right now, I feel like my family is falling apart.  We are back to the way things used to be when Landon was little.  We can't take him anywhere, or do anything as a family, due to his behavior.

His differences are getting more obvious.....his lack of social skills, emotional skills, academic skills, play skills, maturity.....just EVERYTHING....it is completely overwhelming to think about all that needs to be worked on with him and that I can't give him what he needs or provide it for him.

His chances of success in life are dependent on my  financial ability to provide him the instruction and interventions that are necessary for this to happen.  

And I can't do any of it.